Death is one of the only guarantees in life – yet it’s something we avoid thinking and talking about. This evasion of reality is often fuelled by fear... fear of the unknown, the uncontrollable, and the mysterious. One of the best ways of overcoming this fear is to get informed.
So, how will I die?
No one can tell you the exact answer to this question. But by confronting it and considering the future, when the time comes we can walk through the journey well.
What we know – 20% of us Kiwis will die from an accident or suddenly, while 80% of us will have a warning or a lead into the process.
One in three of us will get cancer. Yet half of those will fully recover, and the life expectancy of those that don’t heal is increasing, constantly.
Most New Zealanders will die well. New Zealand has been dubbed the third best place in the world to die by the Economist Intelligence Unit.
One in three people will likely be supported by Hospice in their dying journey. The most common symptom that causes people distress towards the end of life is fatigue, not pain.
And, contrary to popular perception, people in their final days and hours experience less pain and other problems than earlier in their illness.
The reality that we will die is not an easy thing to face, but it can liberate us to live the best life now.
What does dying look like?
Dying is a natural process for the human body. Every one of us is different and so each of us will approach death in our own way. Death comes in its own time, and is as unique as the person who is experiencing it.
However, when approaching the very end, there are common signs that show the time is near. Some of these signs include:
Fatigue – this is one of the first indicators. Changes that are happening in a person’s body means they may spend a lot of time asleep conserving energy.
Food and drink – appetite and thirst may decrease. This is not painful for the person. Sips of water, chips of ice to suck, or a moist mouth swab will help.
Withdrawal – a person may begin withdrawing from everything outside of them. You can bring enormous benefit to the person who is dying simply by sitting with them, holding their hand and speaking in a reassuring manner.
Disorientation – sometimes a person who is dying appears to become confused. They talk to people about places and events that are unknown to others. These things indicate that their focus is changing and they are relinquishing their grounding in this world.
Temperature – a person’s temperature often fluctuates. If the person indicates that they feel cold, you can use light bedding to keep them warm. If they are hot, provide good ventilation and sponge their face and hands.
Breathing – regular breathing patterns may change. Breathing may become noisy, due to the coughing and swallowing reflexes slowing down. It is usually not painful or distressing for the person. You can help by elevating the person’s head with pillows and turning it to one side.
Restlessness – due to the decrease in circulation of blood to the brain and other changes in the body, the person may become restless or agitated. To have a calming effect, speak quietly to them, lightly massage their hand or forehead, or softly play familiar music. There is medication a Palliative Care Team can give.
Often death comes quietly, and it is as though the person has gone to sleep. You will not be able to rouse them. There will be no pulse and their breathing will stop. Their eyes may be open or shut.
“I think some of us may have fears even talking about death with others. But don’t save all the fear and anxiety until the moment of crisis. Be brave. Be prepared.”
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